quarter-centuries, gratitude switches, & clarity

25. Welp, that one snuck up on me real quick. As of today, I have 25 trips around the sun under my belt and can now rent a car without tacking on the underage fee...oh boy, what a time to be alive.

I feel old. I know, I know. Many of you will completely agree with me and then many of you are probably thinking 'fuck you', or something along those lines. At the same time, though, I also feel young--at least in the sense that most of the time I have no idea what I'm doing. Or at least that's how I feel.

I'll be honest, I was dreading 25. I went through a quarter-life crisis of sorts during the months leading up to my birthday. When I looked at the goals I had set and the visions I had crafted in those first few years after graduating college, the life I have now looks nothing like I imagined. I had this constant, nagging feeling of being behind in life. I felt lost. I used old, out-dated metrics as well as the accomplishments, goals, and visions of other people as benchmarks to measure my quality of life and the grandeur of my successes--or failures for that matter.

This was wrong for so, so many reasons, but mostly because my vision and goals haven't been updated since my last birthday, maybe even since before that. Life moves fast and the only constant is change, which means V&Gs only truly work if they, and my own mindset and expectations, are fluid fluid and adaptable.

Another big oopsie was that I was comparing myself to others, and I can't think of any truer adage than 'comparison is the root of all unhappiness'. Damn. Friggen. Straight. I must remind myself of this on the regular. I'm talking every single day - if not down to the minute. I will always feel a sense of scarcity when comparing myself to someone else simply because we are on entirely different paths and timelines.

My first conscious decision to help myself out of my self-proclaimed crisis was to, essentially, count my blessings. I always make a shift to return to a grateful, appreciative state of mind as a reset. This part was extremely easy because I was feeeeeling the love from friends and family all over the world. To anyone who reached out in any way, shape or form, or carved out time for me in your busy schedule, thank you, thank you, thank you. I fucking love you. You made my birthday so, so special.

After taking time to be grateful for all the incredible humans in my life, I moved on to acknowledge and appreciate all of the incredible experiences and opportunities that have come my way through equal amounts of arduous work and complete luck.

All of the sudden, 25 started to feel a lot more like clarity, rather than utter chaos and confusion. Truly, just like that. Let's call this the 'gratitude switch', if you will, and once that switch was flipped I swear to you, all the things (seriously, all the things) I had been pondering and manifesting started to fall into place. I know it might seem like I use the M word all willy nilly, but I truly think it felt like magic.

The one piece of of the puzzle that made everything else come together? I officially (with the support and encouragement of my people) set my mind on a decision I have been debating the past several months: I am going back to school to become a teacher. I want to teach English and eventually, I want to teach some sort of creative writing elective. There, I said it. I have thrown it out into the universe and am patiently waiting to see what comes back my way. I have not made any decisions or done one single ounce of planning as I am not ready or wanting to embark on this journey just yet, but it has all been set into motion. All I know is that my heart does a back flip every time I envision myself being able to share yet another passion of mine, writing and storytelling, with others. The last time I felt this kind of spine-tingling excitement, determination, and sense of purpose was when I decided to become a yoga teacher. Stay tuned.

25, let's see what you've got. I'm so fucking ready.

100 things

While I was living in Colorado, I got the idea from a dear friend of mine to create a bucket list of sorts of 100 things I want to do in my lifetime. Well, in need of some inspiration and some motivation, I finally got around to creating that list - and let me tell you, it is a lot harder than it sounds. Trust me. Some of these things are simple, some things are a little bit more of a stretch, some things are admittedly a little weird. Spoiler alert: the vast majority of these have to do with traveling, yoga, or getting the chance to come face-to-face with furry critters. Shocker. And no, I don't expect you to go through and read each and every item. But if you're also in the need of some inspiration and motivation like I was, here ya go:

1. Become fluent in Spanish.
2. Live in the mountains (again).
3. Climb a 14er.
4. Climb every 14er in Colorado.
5. Lead a yoga retreat in the mountains.
6. Play with a red panda.
7. Play with a real panda.
8. Learn how to make sushi, and do it well.
9. Write a book.
10. Do yoga at the top of Aspen Mountain.
11. Learn how to fly fish.
12. Backpack in SE Asia.
13. Practice yoga every day for an entire month.
14. Adopt a dog.
15. Create my own job/job title.
16. Buy my own loft.
17. Take a pole dancing class.
18. Learn how to paint.
19. Take a photography class.
20. Get paid to write my first article.
21. Take my nephew on a vacation.
22. Roadtrip through Canada in a camper van.
23. Buy an Audi S4.
24. Complete my 300 hour teacher training.
25. Complete Yin yoga teacher training.
26. Live in another country.
27. Visit Croatia.
28. Go to the Olympics.
29. Drive on the autobahn in Germany.
30. Master a handstand.
31. See a concert at Red Rocks.
32. Take a yoga class at Red Rocks.
33. Go skydiving.
34. Attend every Wanderlust yoga & music festival.
35. Teach English in South Korea.
36. Volunteer at the humane society.
37. Get igolu certified.
38. Go bow hunting.
39. Go to Comic Con.
40. Visit Hello Kitty world (is that still a thing? Is it even a thing? I think it is...)
41. Get another tattoo.
42. Drive from northern California, up the coast, to Vancouver.
43. Pay off my student loans.
44. Step foot on every continent.
45. Spend a week in Patagonia.
46. Visit every national park in the U.S.
47. Complete at least one great walk in New Zealand.
48. Spend a few weeks in Norway.
49. Go to a Stanley Cup hockey game.
50. Stay in a tree house hotel.
51. Attend a yoga retreat in Mexico.
52. Teach a yoga class at a yoga festival.
53. Go to Disneyland with my nephew (or without him, but preferably with.)
54. Journal every single day for a year - or longer.
55. Visit Marine in South Africa.
56. Spend time in Fiji.
57. Take my dad on a vacation to Italy.
58. Start my own business.
59. Take a vacation with my sister-in-law.
60. Read the Game of Thrones books.
61. Go on a real camping trip.
62. Go back to Switzerland.
63. Go to Taylor's Fall's.
64. Hike in Oregon.
65. Go to an Eric Church concert.
66. Spend a long weekend at Lake Tahoe.
67. Practice yoga in Bali.
68. Go to a Wild vs. Blackhawk's game (and hopefully watch the Blackhawks lose).
69. Visit Iceland.
70. Read a new book every month for a year.
71. Visit every mountain town in Colorado.
72. Give being a full-time yoga teacher a try.
73. Teach an outdoor yoga class.
74. Watch every LOTR movie in a day.
75. Be able to do 100 (real) push-ups.
76. Become a morning person.
77. Hike from Aspen/Snowmass to Crested Butte.
78. Get my conceal and carry.
79. Ride a camel in Morocco.
80. Meet my birth parents.
81. Write a piece for Yoganonymous.
82. Pet a Koala bear.
83. Visit Utah.
84. Take a dirt biking lesson.
85. Go to another Zac Brown Band Concert - preferably at Red Rocks.
86. Visit my friend Haejoo in Seoul, South Korea.
87. Teach a yoga class with 100+ students.
88. Spend time in the mountains of Montana.
89. Make my own mala necklace.
90. Watch every episode of Friends. (I know I'm a little late to that party...)
91. Go an entire week without checking my email.
92. Get tickets to The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon.
93. See the Northern lights.
94. Go paragliding.
95. Stay in an over water bungalow.
96. Dye my hair purple.
97. Feed a hummingbird.
98. Spend a weekend in Nashville.
99. Teach my nephew to throw a Frisbee.
100. Take my teaching digital and create yoga videos.

If anyone is reading still - do we have any bucket list items in common? If so, let's get to checking some things off. Happy bucket-listing y'all!

why i choose to live in possibility

Humor me, will you? Take a moment right now to do a little inventory of that file cabinet in up in the attic (and by that I mean your noggin.) Dust off those manila file folders packed full of all those memories that for some reason have stood the test of time. Now, try and remember the last time that you truly, wholeheartedly, with-every-being-in-your-body believed and lived in possibility. It was your manifesto because you didn’t know what you didn’t know, or because you refused to have it any other way. Do you remember? Think real hard.

The point is, you probably don’t remember. I don’t really. Or it was so long ago that we’re talking unicorns are real, the Tooth Fairy so generously takes teeth for hard cash, Santa Claus somehow manages to shimmy down the chimney on the eve of December 24th every year kind of possibility – but unfortunately, we all grew up and eventually realized that it’s all a big hoax (or is it?)

It’s such a beautiful part of the human experience that we enter this world only knowing possibility.

But society has worn us down. The innocence bubbles we once floated around the world in have been popped, and we’ve since been conditioned to drag our feet around the dirt and dust while being incessantly bombarded with messages that tell us nasty lies like we’re not worthy, we don’t have enough time and we can’t have it all. But where the hell is the fun in that?!

I’m not saying I’ve been a Belieber, I mean believer, all this time (had to), but I’ve somehow always come back to possibility. I may have strayed in the direction of doubt and despair many a time, but you can be damn sure that I always make my way back to possibility. Pardon me for sounding like a broken record - you’ll understand if you’ve read my previous posts – but like most other things I choose to write about it’s a choice, and not only is it a choice but also a practice. It's also not the easy way, either. It's actually pretty difficult - it's choosing to believe despite what you've seen, experienced or been told time and time again. It's much easier to live inside the box comfort of your box - the familiar, the tried and true, the cozy know-your-limits kind of space.

Each and every day, we can wake up and live in possibility – we can believe it, we can breathe it, we can be it – or we can choose to be confined and defined by constraints and can’ts. Now, I’m not saying that by choosing to live in possibility that all your hopes and dreams will come true. Come on, now. I’m a realist – I really am. That’s completely silly. When we choose to live our possibility, we also have to choose to be OK when something doesn’t quite work out – we have to practice resilience as well. We have to trust that even though one door closed, there’s most likely a reason (i.e. you’re not ready) and that another door is sure to swing open, because one always does. We cannot let the not-right-nows and try-this-one-insteads break our spirit – we have to keep forging on with open minds and most importantly open hearts.

For me, always keeping a space in my heart and head for possibility – even in the seemingly darkest of times – keeps me alive. It keeps me curious. It keeps me chasing down all of the dreams that so many people have told me were just that, dreams, but I knew better than to believe it. It leads me right into the lap of opportunities I never imagined for myself before. And most importantly, it creates space for fun and imagination, because how dreadfully boring does life sound without those two? Absolutely unbearable, really.

I guess what I’m saying is believe in unicorns, you guys.

what aspen has taught me about loving my life

I'm going to start off with a disclaimer of sorts: most of you will think I'm crazy for some of the stuff I'm about to say next. You've been warned.

I've learned A LOT since I moved out to this magical little place called Aspen - about people, about myself, about adulting, about life in general. Above all else, I've learned how to live life - and love it.

Having talked to people that have lived in Aspen for decades, people who have just recently moved here, and people that are from all over the world, I've gathered one important piece of information: everyone is here because they want to be. Nobody ends up in Aspen because they were forced to, or because they're stuck and they can't seem to get out. I mean, come on. How often do you stumble upon a place like this? Pretty much never.

With that said, as you can imagine, that creates a very special--for lack of a better word--vibe. People in Aspen are here for one reason: to do what they love - which makes for a town full of very happy people. They're not living to work, but working to live (as cheesy as that sounds.) When you meet someone in Aspen, the conversation always starts off with, "What do you do here?" but no one's wondering what pays your bills - they're curious about what you do for fun, for you. No one gives a shit if you're waiting tables, bar tending or looking after someone else's kids. None of that matters - it's all about how you're living your life. On any given day, I chat with people who just got back from skiing their way through Europe, backpacking throughout Southeast Asia or something equally as rad and exciting. Talk about life envy, am I right? I've never felt more inspired to pursue what I love to do, what lights me up, than when I moved to Aspen.

I mean, that's what you're supposed to do. Go to school, graduate, get a job and work your way up to a six figure salary...right? WRONG. So wrong. (Unless that's what you want to do.)

Guys, I've realized that I can create a life that I truly love and have all of those adventures, too - and so can you. I don't have to be married to my job, work six days a week and move my way up to a job where I sit behind a desk all day and call the shots - I can choose happiness instead.

I'm not saying everyone should quit their job, move out to a tiny ski town and party their asses off every day. And I'm not saying that we should shirk all of our responsibilities. But by all means, if that's what you want, I highly encourage you to do that. No judgement here.

What I'm saying is DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY and don't forget to really live your life. We must have adventures when we're young so that we can tell stories when we're old, right? There's nothing worse than going through the motions and being miserable while doing it. If that's crunching numbers and wearing a suit and tie to work every day, then do it. If that's scooping ice cream and laying on the beach all day, get after it. If that's teaching people how to ski and getting 100+ days out on the mountain each season, hell yeah.  You don't have to be a weekend warrior, counting down the seconds until Friday every single week. Don't sit behind a desk and stare at a computer screen just because you think that's what you should be doing. Live a little, guys. If you're going to do something that you're not super jazzed about, at least take plenty of time to do what you really love.

So, I'm letting go of all the "shoulds." All of the preconceived notions about what my career should be or how I should build my life. I may move to Fiji and work on a cacao farm. I may travel through New Zealand and pick up odd jobs. I may complete a yoga teacher training in an exotic country. But that's just what I would do...what makes you happy and gets you excited to be alive? Think about it. I have my whole life to settle down into a desk job - so I'm going to do everything that's calling me NOW and then look to settle down with responsibility later.

Make a list of all the things that make you happy. Make a list of all the things you do every day. Compare. Adjust accordingly. (Thanks for that advice, Jacki Carr.)

Namaste, bitches.

come alive

This.

In 2015, it is my mission to pursue what makes me come alive. It's mind blowing to think of how different the world be if everyone did exactly what they loved. For me, this is writing and traveling. Not just writing and traveling as two separate entities, but writing about my travels. To me, they are two halves of a whole. I can't think of a time when I was more inspired to write and share my thoughts, feelings and experiences with the world than when I spent a semester abroad in Europe. I was just as excited to write about my travels as I was to physically participate them. I think it's the excitement of trying something for the first time or the unique experiences that inevitably come along with traveling that I'm drawn to. Ask me to speak in front of a group? I'm breaking out in hives, stuttering and popping a double dose of my anxiety meds. Ask me to write something? I'll write you a freaking novel. #nerdalert

What does this look like for me, exactly? Starting with baby steps, the first one being exactly this: putting what I want out into the universe. Check.

Next? Writing more. Over the last few months I've been really good at making excuses about why I'm not writing, including: "I'm too busy," "I'm too tired," and "I don't have anything interesting to write about." Wrong, all wrong. After an inspirational conversation with one of the coolest humans I've ever met, I was reminded that I should be writing every day. Writing is like a muscle; if you don't use it, you lose it. It's something that I am committing to every single day from here on out, whether it's a paragraph or a page. Don't worry, I won't be using this as my public, online diary. I'll spare you all the behind-the-scenes writing and save the good stuff (or at least what I think is the good stuff) for the blog. Promise.

Having things to write about is also a slightly important piece of this puzzle. This means breaking out of my dailey routine (ha, see what I did there? Bad joke...) and constantly putting myself in a position where I'm vulnerable and open to new experiences each and every day, not just when I have big plans. I tend to find a routine that works for me--no matter how boring and mundane it may be--and sticking to it. I find myself playing it safe and thinking twice, more often three or four times, about straying from what I'm used to. Well, that's all about to change. Bring on the spontaneity and open-mindedness. I'm ready for ya.

What comes after steps one, two and three? I have lots of ideas, but there's nothing set in stone. I have a gut feeling that I'll know exactly when I'm supposed to. I say that not because I'm lazy and expect amazing things to just fall into my lap, but because I believe in timing. I believe that everything happens for a reason, that opportunities aren't presented to you before you're ready (whether you believe you are or not) and that the dots always connect down the road.

Cheers to doing what makes us come alive. Let's see where this takes me.

Namaste, bitches.

a year in reflection: 2014

Ahh, another year in the books. Seriously, did 2014 go by even faster than 2013? I'm scared that I'll blink and it will be 2056, which is why I'm taking the time to reflect on the last year and express my gratitude for all of the kick ass experiences I was so lucky to have.

The first that comes to mind was opening the lululemon at the Edina Galleria. It was a blast getting to experience a new store opening and be a part of the whole process. The best part? The amazing group of lemons that I now consider my family--I miss you all every single day. You changed my life, truly.

Next up is graduation--it's hard to believe that I'm coming up on a full year of being a post grad this spring. Oy. I wouldn't go as far to say that college was the best four years of my life, because I have way too much time ahead of me to say that the best years of my life are behind me, but it was F-U-N. I made countless questionable decisions, but you can be sure I always (eventually) came out on top. I met some of the coolest humans that I now call my best friends and the distance from my childhood and high school friends strengthened and deepened our relationships more than I could have ever imagined. I suppose I did a little studying here and there too, ha! I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss it, but at the same time you couldn't pay me to do it all again.

Not too long after graduating, I celebrated turning 22 surrounded by all of my favorite people--it was definitely a benchmark birthday. It still makes me smile thinking about all of the people who made it special.

Then, Aspen happened. I knew from the start that moving to a town I had never been before and where I didn't know a soul was going to be a life changing experience--and boy is it ever. I've gotten to live in one of the most beautiful places in the world and not one second of it has been lost on me. I'm grateful every single day for this rare opportunity and the support from my family that without, none of this would be possible. Through truly living on my own for the first time and working with yet another amazing group of lemons (seriously, how did I get so lucky?!) I have learned more about myself and how to be a human being in the real world than I ever thought was possible. It hasn't all been easy, in fact at times it has been really fucking hard, but I think that the best things in life are fought for. Right? My days left here in Aspen may be numbered (that number is still up in the air), but I have never once doubted that I was meant to come to Aspen and that this is exactly where I need to be at this time in my life. Aspen will always be my home away from home.

With that being said, I'm going into 2015 with an open mind. I have no resolutions. All I'm committing to is staying true to my intentions of always trusting my gut, strengthening my relationships and doing what makes me happy, all of which I'm carrying over from 2014. I have complete faith in the universe that I will experience exactly what was meant for me in the coming year and that anything that misses me was not meant for me.

Here's to the adventure ahead that is 2015. Cheers!

week 1

I did it, guys! This past Monday marks a full week of living in Aspen without training wheels (AKA my mom.)

We'll start with my living situation. First of all, in case you weren't already aware, rent is STUPIDLY expensive here in Aspen. I live a couple blocks down from a luxury mobile home community--trailer park just doesn't seem to do it justice. Wait, isn't that kind of an oxymoron, you ask? No. Not in Aspen. These places go for over twice as much as my real house back in MN. Nuts. Anyhoo, the universe was willing it because I managed to find an awesome roommate with an awesome condo after about three days of being in town. I'd like to think of her decoration style as 'rustic chic'--the place is seriously fabulous, you'll just have to come see for yourself. The best part so far? My bed came today so I can kiss the air mattress goodbye. Booya.

I've spent my time thus far working, getting my asanas on at yoga, exploring Aspen and meeting some super rad people along the way. Also, I've been binge-watching Game of Thrones--finally. And drinking a lot (but not too much, of course) of wine. Rough life, right?

My backyard is essentially Smuggler Mountain, which is a great spot for hiking and catching a great view of the city. My first solo attempt at hiking Smuggler was, to say the least, not pretty. It's a solid 1.4 mile hike to the viewpoint--which is well worth the trek--but if you're not acclimated, it's like 25 times harder, I swear. I was getting lapped left and right by all of these middle-aged people and senior citizens (no offense ya'll.) I quickly realized I'm the least in-shape person in Aspen. By a lot. (And probably poorest, which is neither here nor there, but it's true.) Also, my heart skipped about a million beats when I swear I saw a scorpion run across the path up ahead of me--it turned out to be a chipmunk. Fear quickly turned into adoration when I realized it was just a furry friend.

Anyhoo, I'll be honest--there are times when I'm having so much fun I don't even think about home, and then there are the times that I get so caught up in my insecurities and vulnerability I think it's game over for sure. Sometimes I feel like I could actually hop on a flight back to Minnesota--like when I pay eight dollars for ONE shot of Jose Cuervo at the bar (kidding but not...) or when I'm laying in bed at night without little Chuckie to cuddle with--but then I remember that change takes time. Don't get me wrong, I love everything about this place already from the people, to the scenery and to the small town vibe, but adjusting to a new place after having lived somewhere else for your entire life isn't easy. It's actually really, really hard--especially when you started off not knowing a soul. I'm scared to be here in a new place with new people and new experiences, but I'm even more scared to go back home, because I know if I do, I'll probably never get out on my own and do all of the cool sh*t I've always dreamed about. The easy thing to do would be to head back home where I'm more than comfortable, but I'm not ready to throw in the towel yet. I can't resist a challenge--I love a good one--and I know once I've gotten over all of the speed bumps (or humps, as the signs in CO say) I'll never want to leave. So stay I shall.

After all... if not now, when?

c u l8r

I blinked and just like that, summer has come and gone. Wtf? (Why That Face? according to my totally hip mom.) Time has a funny way of disappearing when you're loving, laughing and enjoying the heck out of life. Crazy, huh?

Oh, and one minor detail...I'm moving to Aspen tomorrow. Yeah. The day has FINALLY come, and I couldn't be more excited, but I would be flat out lying if I told you I'm not scared as hell at the same time.

Since I've returned from WE Fest (yes, that happened...) about three weeks ago, I've been so busy with work that I've barely had to time to pack and get ready, let alone process the change that is about to go down. Full disclosure here, peeps. There have been several moments (OK, a lot of moments) where I've spontaneously burst into tears in the last several days as things have finally started to sink in. (And typically the only thing that can bring me to tears are those sappy Sarah McLachlan commercials about abused animals.)

There's something both wildly exhilarating yet heart-wrenchingly bittersweet about buying a one-way ticket. The thought of not knowing when I'll get to sit down with my family for dinner, spend a night on the town with my friends or cuddle up with Charlie on the couch next is terrifying. Oy, cue the tears.

At the same time, the fact that I'm shakin' in my boots is a sign that I'm doing something right. I've come to the realization that change is scary--it just is--and if I weren't having second thoughts and worrying about what's to come next, well, that wouldn't be normal and that means I'm not getting far enough outside of my comfort zone. Also, I've realized that it's OK to second guess yourself when it comes to taking big leaps and chasing down dreams. What really matters is how you embrace the change and make it work for your life.

How am I going to do that, you ask? Good question...I suppose only time will tell. One thing I do know, though, is that I'm going into this with a completely open mind--bring on the new experiences, new people and obviously, new food, Aspen. I'm ready for ya.

Welp, people. Next time you'll be reading a post from me I'll be inhabiting the mountains in Colorado. Again, crazy. I'll obviously be home to visit whenever I can sneak away, but no promises on ever coming back to the homeland for good. I'm already madly in love with the mountains and I don't think that moving to Aspen is going to somehow reverse that. Sorry.

Stay tuned to hear about my adventures in Aspen. Teaser: I may be biking to work for awhile. (For those of you who don't know me, I. loathe. biking. It's been 10+ years since I've had an interaction with a two-wheeler and I'm less than thrilled. Why would anyone subject their crotch to the discomfort of a bike seat of their own free will? Thanks but no thanks.) Hashtag diva much?

This is far from a goodbye, btw. You're not getting rid of me that easily, my MN friends. You're going to have to put up with me for many, many more years to come whether you like it or not :)

Last thing, I swear. I don't care how long I live in Colorado, I will never ever be an Avalanche fan. Wild fan for life. Just sayin'.

xo

#goalcrush

Damn, it feels good to be a goal crusher.

Start saving up and requesting time off work, you guys. If you haven't already heard through the grapevine...this chick is moving to Aspen!

This is a dream come true in the most literal sense possible. Since I fell in love with the mountains during my trip to Switzerland, I have legitimately had dreams about frolicking through the mountains. (I know, it's weird to picture me frolicking.)

I've had goals to move to either New Zealand or Colorado (or really any where with a nice set of mountains) and become a Key Leader at lululemon athletica for several months now, and I was offered the job today after my second interview. MEEP. So surreal. I'm still not sure if I'll wake up in the morning and this will all have been a pigment of my imagination. Only time will tell ;)

No details have been decided upon yet, but you KNOW that I'll keep you guys updated. Obviously. You'll be hearing A LOT about Aspen in the next several weeks and months, people. Prepare yourselves.